YSH, ZDTHNNDWRL.
You know I feel that I’m living a v superficial life right now. I want it to be meaningful, but I can’t find the one meaningful thing that will make me feel so full inside. Argh it feels very very loser. All along I feel like I’ve been living bcos of wordly feelings. It’d like the fuel of my life and shit man that is shit lor. So superficial. There is more to life than that but I can’t seem to penetrate the depth. No life or got life is up to you. But what if really 有心无力? I really don’t know what to do then will have a meaningful life lor.
And right now I am so fucked bcos of my hair. It’s not straight anymore and fuck man. Wth is wrong with it. Damn irritating rebond already and it’s back to normal argh f f f f f f. Oh fuck youuuuuuuu I am so _ now wtf wtf wtf okay I know it’s not my hair’s problem but why the shit can’t my hair just be nice so I can be happier.
Btw, damn it stop being a pms-ey pudge. Not happy then don’t do it. I have never forced you to. You not happy still wanna come _, then I not happy also then you end up even more unhappy then what the fuck is the point lah. Z. Sometimes, cannot = cannot. No matter how badly you want it, cannot jiu shi cannot. Force also no use. Learn that, kiddo. Of all that I’ve gone through all those while, this is one thing I’ve learnt. I bet you know it too but you just pretend you don’t know.
I rmb I said I wanted to 离家出走 just to get the kick out of it and hell man I am so bloody tempted to and the only thing that’s stopping me is the fact that I haven’t washed my hair since Friday. Oh puck now I’m irritating myself w the hair again shitballs oh my mama save me please. Oh God why is my hair so stubborn why can’t it be straight like argh I’ve rebonded it already it oughta be straight like hell :(
Ok I’m acting like a damn irritating bitch if i were anyone else reading this post i bet i’d get so pissed like wtf is wrong with you. yup i know bcos i’ve read ppl posting like this and oh fuck these people.
But aaaaaaaaah idk why i’m turning into this monster. idk why fuck describes me and my life and idk why i’m so angsty and so easily pissed these days i’m so _ w myself omg what is wrong, really. And ___, really. But I still really think i deserved it. i deserve it for being so unreasonable so gl so bloody obnoxious and obstinate oh renice goh what are you. But i’m sorry you had to go through all of those, i really am. oh no what is wrong with me seriously. i really feel like i gonna burst the moodswings are killing. sometimes i wonder, what’d the world be like without me. so many people wouldn’t have to go through the trouble i put them through when i act like a rash hotheaded piece of shit. nobody would need to put up with my incorrigible character and probably be better off. i wouldn’t have to fight against myself. my heart and the mind. ah i feel so screwed. i feel bottled up and nobody can help. nobody willing to help can. i’m just so _ and if i hadn’t been so fucked up, maybe my life wouldn’t turn out like this.
and i still can’t do it, no matter how real i thought i could. but for you, i’m painting this mask and don’t worry. everything’d be okay.
heck the hair. stop being superficial stop thinking so highly of yourself bcos you know you don’t deserve all these. you’re not. not at all. fuck my life.
to everyone and anyone i’ve ever affected adversely, i am sincerely sorry and aah, i don’t know when i’ll ever stop being such a fuck.
